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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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thirdbase1733

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thirdbase1733
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 351
  • Number of comments : 99
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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thirdbase1733's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

#9024995 (397)

I agree, your life sucks (37427) - you deserved it (1280)

On 03/12/2010 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my throat is really swollen so I can only drink liquid. I noticed home-made ice-lollies in the freezer and had one. It tasted funny. Turns out my little brother had peed in one of those ice-lolly box and put it in the freezer. FML

#8796433 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (22229) - you deserved it (2114)

On 03/03/2010 at 10:09am - health - by icegirl (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

#8719561 (490)

I agree, your life sucks (4712) - you deserved it (36911)

On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

#8595020 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (5832) - you deserved it (13387)

On 02/23/2010 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by lendahandmanda (woman) - United States (California)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

#8554799 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (22895) - you deserved it (1446)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm - health - by mynoseburns (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

#8051668 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (26538) - you deserved it (3114)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm - kids - by justme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (33119) - you deserved it (1284)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

#6116974 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (15477) - you deserved it (2967)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578 (581)

I agree, your life sucks (47868) - you deserved it (22671)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

#2928893 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (29533) - you deserved it (2495)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by yourmom (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

#2883400 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (11401) - you deserved it (34026)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (84986) - you deserved it (2928)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

#2637433 (447)

I agree, your life sucks (64645) - you deserved it (3093)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:42pm - health - by Michael (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363120) - you deserved it (401470)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

#240249 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (12153) - you deserved it (39023)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)