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thepunman

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thepunman

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  • Number of visits : 2307
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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thepunman's favorite FMLs

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059
175 comments

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

#18520175
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30938) - you deserved it (5414)

On 12/15/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by 2285morgan - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML

#18471784
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25168) - you deserved it (14636)

On 12/09/2011 at 9:48pm - misc - by queenlatifa101bebe (woman) - United States

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18615) - you deserved it (17284)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

#18431842
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7902) - you deserved it (65546)

On 12/04/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by Jess - United States (California)

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

#18422045
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26732) - you deserved it (3396)

On 12/03/2011 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by sugarbeet - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML

#18418543
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55232) - you deserved it (5529) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/03/2011 at 11:24am - kids - by perenoel - France

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25066) - you deserved it (2987)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

#18384349
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6387) - you deserved it (48278)

On 11/29/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by birdfoooo - United States

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

#18227248
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40972) - you deserved it (3179) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/12/2011 at 10:42am - misc - by Nico - France

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

#18182863
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28658) - you deserved it (3516)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:24am - work - by Dlord357 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

#18135742
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28173) - you deserved it (3320)

On 11/02/2011 at 1:06am - misc - by steve-o - United States

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

#18127858
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11957) - you deserved it (55932)

On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

#17981925
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27849) - you deserved it (2151)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by francesa_loca - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

#17880683
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27056) - you deserved it (10585)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm - kids - by kewtness_17 - United States (Texas)



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