Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 11/19/2014 at 11:36pm) | Search for a member
About thebestintheworl : i Love: Marilyn Manson, Motionless In White, Maria Brink, The Shield(WWE Tag Team) ,CM Punk, Mike Kuza, Pokémon, Boondock Saints, WWE And The Walking Dead. What I Love In Music: Motionless In White, Marilyn Manson, In This Moment, KUZA, Cage The Elephant, All Time Low, Black Veil Brides, Falling In Reverse, Escape The Fate, A Day To Remember, Asking Alexandria, Blink 182, Green Day, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pop Evil, VolBeat, Killswitch Engage, Metallica, Godsmack, Rush, Good Charlotte, Soundgarden, Slipknot, KoRn, Rob Zombie, Three Days Grace And Seether. And I LOVE Marilyn Manson ( And Twiggy.)! I Find Marilyn Manson, Josh Balz, Chris Motionless, Ricky Horror, Mike Kuza, Angelo Parente, Ryan Sitkowski, Devin Ghost Sola, Maria Brink, Matt Shultz, Brandon Rage, CM Punk, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Norman Reedus & Batista Sexy. and I'm An Atheist.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML
Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML
Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML
Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML
Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML
Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML
Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML
Friday 12 December 2014