Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 11/19/2014 at 11:36pm) | Search for a member
About thebestintheworl : i Love: Marilyn Manson, Motionless In White, Maria Brink, The Shield(WWE Tag Team) ,CM Punk, Mike Kuza, Pokémon, Boondock Saints, WWE And The Walking Dead. What I Love In Music: Motionless In White, Marilyn Manson, In This Moment, KUZA, Cage The Elephant, All Time Low, Black Veil Brides, Falling In Reverse, Escape The Fate, A Day To Remember, Asking Alexandria, Blink 182, Green Day, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pop Evil, VolBeat, Killswitch Engage, Metallica, Godsmack, Rush, Good Charlotte, Soundgarden, Slipknot, KoRn, Rob Zombie, Three Days Grace And Seether. And I LOVE Marilyn Manson ( And Twiggy.)! I Find Marilyn Manson, Josh Balz, Chris Motionless, Ricky Horror, Mike Kuza, Angelo Parente, Ryan Sitkowski, Devin Ghost Sola, Maria Brink, Matt Shultz, Brandon Rage, CM Punk, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Norman Reedus & Batista Sexy. and I'm An Atheist.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
Friday 19 December 2014