About theWanderer011 : Failed FML author.
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theWanderer011's favorite FMLs
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek
by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
by Whatever479 / 02/17/2011 at 12:29pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health
by bride / 02/14/2011 at 1:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML
by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 2:08pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by looke27 / 11/13/2010 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML
by sandyseashells10 / 11/13/2010 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
by Black Cat 13 / 09/04/2010 at 2:52am / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML
by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by 42 / 07/07/2010 at 5:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by DaddyZ / 06/27/2010 at 9:30am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML
by annonoymus / 03/16/2010 at 12:00pm / Australia (South Australia) / Transportation
by uHazFailedTotall / 03/03/2010 at 4:18pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML
by militiousroflcopter / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the… Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it.… Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during…