About theWanderer011 : Failed FML author.
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theWanderer011's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Eli / 09/19/2011 at 8:21pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML
by Japaroni / 09/15/2011 at 3:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by RetroDayDreamer / 09/10/2011 at 11:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
by psychicmother / 09/09/2011 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
by Karin / 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous
by - Moved Across the Country / 08/06/2011 at 2:05am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML
by mathii / 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm / Health
by anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 11:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML
by crapped on / 06/16/2011 at 2:25am / United States / Animals
Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML
by DrugDeal / 06/08/2011 at 9:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let… Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room,… Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I…
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…