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Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51134) - you deserved it (9746)
On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17777) - you deserved it (3441)
On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24806) - you deserved it (3747)
Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (4298)
On 10/23/2010 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15314) - you deserved it (18536)
On 10/17/2010 at 2:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (33782) - you deserved it (7427)
On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)
Today, I was watching tv with my grandpa, and he stops flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote lands on my stomach as my mom and grandma walk in the door. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29626) - you deserved it (3188)
On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31148) - you deserved it (7587)
On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)
Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15981) - you deserved it (2803)
On 09/10/2010 at 12:13pm - health - by moncheri1314 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38271) - you deserved it (10980)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20303) - you deserved it (13358)
On 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by Indigo_Kitten (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19855) - you deserved it (4636)
On 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm - animals - by zzdug (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13727) - you deserved it (25166)
On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10680) - you deserved it (22695)
On 11/16/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by bananaface (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (124123) - you deserved it (4827)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by dinosaurman (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Friday 24 May 2013
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