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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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thabeast

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thabeast
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 21490
  • Number of comments : 136
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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thabeast's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847 (371)

I agree, your life sucks (5702) - you deserved it (82085)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

#3261545 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (50761) - you deserved it (18616)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710 (1200)

I agree, your life sucks (55722) - you deserved it (135966)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (41658) - you deserved it (6001)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503 (947)

I agree, your life sucks (18377) - you deserved it (160027)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362841) - you deserved it (401165)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

#56665 (528)

I agree, your life sucks (141659) - you deserved it (53017)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)