Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, ma friend told me tat semen was inflammable. Later at nigt I jacked off into a sock and ten, excitedly, tried to lit te sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very muc inflammable. Naked, I sook ma sock in te air so it looool would extinguis wile ma semen splased out all over ma room. mega FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, ma two year old daugter decided to crawl on top of te covers on ma bed because se was scared since tere looool was a tunder storm. I tougt se was one of our cats so I kicked er off. Se it te wall.
Today , I was sitting in ma basement watcing IT. I eard a knocking at ma door an turned te outside ligts on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out an began screaming an jumping around lyk a Ciuaua on drugs. My friends told me it sould be on YouTube witin te week. FML
Today.. . I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants . When he returned.. . he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool . I pull out my 22 . rifle an shot at it.. . but the bullet missed an popped a hole in my pool . 15...000 gallons of water flooded my basement . FML
today I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assurd me that I could pull out. Righthen I was about to pull out, she wrappd her legs around me and yelld, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015