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texanengineer

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texanengineer
  • Town/Country : Norfolk, Va, United States, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 April 1986 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 398
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About texanengineer : Just a pretty normal guy that likes to laugh at the expense of others because I know people would if the roles were reversed.

I love my dog, zombies, and napping

texanengineer's last visitors

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texanengineer's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of texanengineer's badges

texanengineer's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

#17787431
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33480) - you deserved it (7195)

On 09/20/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by chloeguest97 - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

#17718767
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35054) - you deserved it (6530)

On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

#17685680
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24209) - you deserved it (8635)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:30am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

#17602935
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you deserved it (3406)

On 08/28/2011 at 6:41am - misc - by piercingfreak (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

#17455521
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36779) - you deserved it (13929)

On 08/13/2011 at 12:06am - love - by sydneybourgeois - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

#17417239
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54754) - you deserved it (5496)

On 08/09/2011 at 10:50am - love - by aliixmaee - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

#17415487
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26606) - you deserved it (6730)

On 08/09/2011 at 3:32am - work - by recordyear - United States (California)

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

#17400862
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24555) - you deserved it (2299)

On 08/07/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by Paul - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

#17373472
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38467) - you deserved it (3089)

On 08/05/2011 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Creeped_out_n_stuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

#17347220
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25955) - you deserved it (5805)

On 08/02/2011 at 7:46pm - work - by theonlychildd1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

#17340162
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29191) - you deserved it (2305)

On 08/02/2011 at 2:46am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

#17338945
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48864) - you deserved it (9568)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

#17304826
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34608) - you deserved it (9282)

On 07/30/2011 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Texas)

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

#16905617
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7102) - you deserved it (51301)

On 06/29/2011 at 2:12am - health - by Anza (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

#16900217
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you deserved it (3285)

On 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)



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