texanengineer

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texanengineer

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 April 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 779
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About texanengineer : Just a pretty normal guy that likes to laugh at the expense of others because I know people would if the roles were reversed.

I love my dog, zombies, and napping

texanengineer's page activity

Visits<b>winterforever97</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:09am<b>thepwny8</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 9:25pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 06/25/2011 at 7:37am<b>HannahForbesxo</b> - the 06/24/2011 at 1:49pm

texanengineer's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of texanengineer's badges

texanengineer's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

by chloeguest97 / 09/20/2011 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

by CaseyFpC85 / 09/11/2011 at 11:13am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

by piercingfreak / 08/28/2011 at 6:41am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

by sydneybourgeois / 08/13/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

by aliixmaee / 08/09/2011 at 10:50am / United States / Love

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

by recordyear / 08/09/2011 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Work

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

by Paul / 08/07/2011 at 9:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

by Creeped_out_n_stuck / 08/05/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

by theonlychildd1 / 08/02/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

by Username / 08/02/2011 at 2:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

by Taylor / 07/30/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

by Anza / 06/29/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

by Username / 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Texas) / Animals