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About tencentsakiss : 1. I don't meet people online, so please don't ask. I came too close to being murdered once before. I'm on here for the laughs, not to make serial killer friends.
2. My username is the show name of my horse, not an offer.
3. My hair color in my profile picture changes. A lot. I get bored easily and I love playing with hair dye and wigs. My latest addiction is neon hair extensions.
4. If you've messaged me something not creepy and I haven't answered, I'm probably not ignoring you. I'm usually on the iPod app and I rarely get on the actual site to check messages. Be patient, I'll get to it eventually.
5. On a similar topic, it's really easy to accidentally click on people's profiles with this app. Don't be creeped out if I'm clicking on your profile a lot. If you are someone like docbastard however, I probably am stalking your profile haha. I can't help it, it's always funny.
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Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7157) - you deserved it (812)
On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7045) - you deserved it (834)
On 04/16/2012 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6171) - you deserved it (684)
On 04/09/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Foreveralone (woman) - United States
Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9048) - you deserved it (590)
On 04/03/2012 at 11:40pm - misc - by Eliza - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18871) - you deserved it (10363)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)
Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6500) - you deserved it (959)
On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4648) - you deserved it (7495)
On 02/15/2012 at 6:26am - health - by too tight (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7870) - you deserved it (2482) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13061) - you deserved it (1703)
Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16328) - you deserved it (3341)
On 12/13/2011 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24025) - you deserved it (1894)
On 12/09/2011 at 2:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16176) - you deserved it (1940)
On 11/18/2011 at 7:48pm - work - by I quit (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14440) - you deserved it (26378)
On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (10089)
On 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Yuuucky (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23082) - you deserved it (3227)
On 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
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