This member hasn't filled in their description.
tencalories's FML badges
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
tencalories's favorite FMLs
by butimarealbear / 07/13/2011 at 9:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML
by jreed509 / 07/03/2011 at 1:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
by Sam / 06/24/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/22/2011 at 1:35am / United States (Idaho) / Work
by mike oxsmall / 06/16/2011 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML
by missy / 06/15/2011 at 10:42pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation
Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML
by unknown / 06/15/2011 at 6:20am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML
by Alec / 06/15/2011 at 5:02am / United States / Health
by gerligrl97 / 06/12/2011 at 2:50pm / United States / Intimacy
by El Stupido / 06/12/2011 at 9:51am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 10:25am / United States / Health
by anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML
by kimboslice106 / 06/08/2011 at 1:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML
by Mik / 06/07/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…