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taylav

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taylav

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Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

#20095343
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28563) - you deserved it (3113)

On 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by whatswrongwithit?:( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

#19627538
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23585) - you deserved it (7814)

On 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Finland

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

#19152060
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21998) - you deserved it (6576)

On 02/24/2012 at 3:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44988) - you deserved it (5043)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

#17803016
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35462) - you deserved it (4925)

On 09/22/2011 at 6:31am - love - by nicole - Reserved

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

#17761729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (4223)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:36am - kids - by applesmama - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

#14968643
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46847) - you deserved it (9273)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

#14968643
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46847) - you deserved it (9273)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

#4357009
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52916) - you deserved it (10766)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:17am - intimacy - by nikkrissa_04 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

#1108096
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42784) - you deserved it (9705)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by hawaiiansokkrboi (man) - United States (Hawaii)



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