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taylav

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taylav

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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 162
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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taylav's favorite FMLs

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

#20882660
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26676) - you deserved it (39080)

On 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50287) - you deserved it (6787)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

#20796032
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60175) - you deserved it (4377)

On 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by notenoughunderwearintheworld (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML

#20695876
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44389) - you deserved it (8448)

On 05/30/2013 at 7:06pm - love - by Terminator101101 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50475) - you deserved it (23450)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67092) - you deserved it (9901)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (49218)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54637) - you deserved it (14374)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38813) - you deserved it (9399)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21794) - you deserved it (44842)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

#20505216
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39814) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68433) - you deserved it (3905)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47581) - you deserved it (3561) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (48045)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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