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tannershanks's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 10:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by anon / 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
by MaydayManic / 08/10/2011 at 9:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
by crushed dreams / 06/16/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
by anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML
by GabsAlot829 / 07/21/2009 at 6:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML
by pizzagurl / 05/09/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
by breathalizard / 05/02/2009 at 2:21am / United States (North Dakota) / Health
- Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took… Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having… Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a…