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tanman88's FML badges
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tanman88's favorite FMLs
Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML
by gunman / 10/20/2009 at 12:57am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
by hamster cookie / 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm / Kids
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by helenablitz / 08/28/2009 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by R_U_CEREAL / 07/04/2009 at 4:58am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
by eun / 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
by ayw329 / 01/31/2009 at 8:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML
by Peel / 12/12/2008 at 11:53pm / Love
- Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell… Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all… Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I…