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t3chn0cr4t's favorite FMLs
Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML
by frozensolid / 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation
by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 3:02am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 8:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 7:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by sasquatch / 09/08/2012 at 12:03am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by guaranteed service / 09/07/2012 at 2:49am / United States / Work
by Chouse / 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Heavy D / 09/06/2012 at 9:45am / United States / Work
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…