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t3chn0cr4t's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by dareyale / 07/26/2013 at 2:10am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm / South Africa / Transportation
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
by Kat_Styles / 07/19/2013 at 4:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
by no new apartment for me / 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Maine) / Transportation
by BlueB / 07/06/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by thanksdoc / 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous
by CatLover<3 / 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…