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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
2DAY I WAS IN MAH NEW BOYFRIEND'S APARTMENT FIR THE FRST TIME. AS I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH HIS PHOTO ALBUMS, I CUMMED ACROSS ONE FULL OF DISTURBINGLY CANDID PICTURES OF ME. I FOUND SOME AS EARLY AS MAH TRIP TO THE STATE FAIR, THREE YERES AGO. I MET MAH BOYFRIEND TWO MONTHS AGO. FML
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
Today... mah daughter askd me what is the youngest age at which u should start having sex. Bieng a good mom... I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been marrid. My daughter then said... ( Oh... shoot... ) and walkd away. My daughter is twelve. fat FML
TODAY, AT THE AIRPORT, MY MOM BEGAN TALKING ABOUT HOW USELESS THE WAR IN IRAQ WAS, AND HOW DUMB THE SOLDIERS THAT SERVE THERE WERE FOR ENLISTING DURING THE WAR. THE SOLDIER AT THE VENDING MACHINE NEAR US CAUGHT MY EYE. I MOUTHD, "SORRY" AND HE MOUTHD, SLOWLY, "YOU FUCKIN' BETTER BE." FML
2day I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle . After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much 4 me and I couldn't control myself . I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist . FML
Taday mah five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Beho you want to be B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turnd to me and said "Mom I want to be a hooker." FML
Today , wile reading some cemistry notes I came across te term "solid water" . Completely stumpd , I askd myself , "Wat te ell is solid water?" Ten I eard ma little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4t year science major in university . He still cecks te closet 4 monsters . FML
TODAY , I WAS AT MCDONALD'S AND I WAS GOING THROUGH THE DRIVE-THRU. AS I WAS DRIVING AWAY , I CHECKD MAH FOOD AND THE LADY HAD GIVEN ME A NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM HAPPY MEAL TOY BY MISTAKE. I GOT SO EXCITD THAT I CRASHD THE CAR INTO A POLE. I'M 36. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needd serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To mah surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessd, gets up, gives me a nod an leaves. FML
Today, I rode mah bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal fir turning left. A car passing the opposite way veerd towards me and attemptd to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over mah body and mah bike is in two pieces. FML
Today, In science class I sit next to friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Friday 27 March 2015