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swiwi

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swiwi
  • Town/Country : Otago, New Zealand
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 7 January 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 1567
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About swiwi : :]

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swiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

#18304597
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9757) - you deserved it (27180)

On 11/21/2011 at 1:23am - kids - by BadFather (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

#17852902
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20855) - you deserved it (6956)

On 09/28/2011 at 12:55am - intimacy - by confused (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

#17781306
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12338) - you deserved it (30670)

On 09/19/2011 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

#17781243
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14410) - you deserved it (37951)

On 09/19/2011 at 4:16pm - misc - by Nicole - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

#17775098
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17217) - you deserved it (2304)

On 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm - love - by DeadScared (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

#17762644
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16002) - you deserved it (45745)

On 09/17/2011 at 4:17am - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

#17761780
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (2053)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:43am - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

#17761753
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36763) - you deserved it (4460)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:39am - misc - by thedeerman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

#17761729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23245) - you deserved it (3962)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:36am - kids - by applesmama - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31997) - you deserved it (4152)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36938) - you deserved it (10876)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

#17207535
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11559) - you deserved it (32282)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm - work - by ohmygosh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10975) - you deserved it (47514)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML

#16041844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11263) - you deserved it (28931)

On 05/04/2011 at 6:01am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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