Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

swiftyeze

Search for a member

swiftyeze

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 723
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

swiftyeze's page activity

Visits<b>lennelleong</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 10:02pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:34pm

swiftyeze's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

swiftyeze's favorite FMLs

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60340) - you deserved it (7209)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

#3593613
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11983) - you deserved it (100617)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

#3578218
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (58081)

On 07/08/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Nancy (woman) -

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

#3550843
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16853) - you deserved it (55714)

On 07/07/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

#3527232
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48659) - you deserved it (3840)

On 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by AidenFromSweden (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42969) - you deserved it (2601)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

#3495004
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43279) - you deserved it (8739)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19059) - you deserved it (38390)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

#3389497
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48608) - you deserved it (6611)

On 07/01/2009 at 5:37am - work - by Robert (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

#3386815
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98012) - you deserved it (5550)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

#3261545
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63198) - you deserved it (26331)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

#3252753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56768) - you deserved it (2974)

On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657
685 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84588) - you deserved it (19412)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: