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swampbaby985

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swampbaby985
  • Town/Country : Louisiana, US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 1042
  • Number of comments : 57
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

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swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12988) - you deserved it (67023)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

#15510596
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (7682)

On 03/27/2011 at 6:06am - animals - by StinkyDogs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of a sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML

#15479009
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29009) - you deserved it (4854)

On 03/25/2011 at 4:50am - misc - by radicaloser - United States (Oregon)

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

#15432254
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44742) - you deserved it (4265)

On 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm - work - by Kim - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

#15381959
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46552) - you deserved it (7649)

On 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm - kids - by jaimie - United States (Florida)

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39949) - you deserved it (10764)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12631) - you deserved it (33317)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38011) - you deserved it (7384)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

#14619610
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26109) - you deserved it (5478)

On 01/17/2011 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by No O-face (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

#14605764
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47986) - you deserved it (3648)

On 01/16/2011 at 9:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

#14331455
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21165) - you deserved it (2645)

On 12/25/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

#14186357
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (3651)

On 12/13/2010 at 1:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26069) - you deserved it (7204)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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