Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

swampbaby985

Search for a member

swampbaby985

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1684
  • Number of comments : 68
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>CAC_Boomerang</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:33pm<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 2:33am<b>minioncandy</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 8:16pm<b>JoshArson</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:06am<b>shadowedpixie</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:39am<b>pptm</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:31am<b>lululatenight</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:07pm<b>watermelon1</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 12:23am<b>KawaiiPenguin13</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 9:56pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:26am<b>ShortyJorty</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:46am<b>gjikvtj</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 7:40pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 3:18pm<b>Testing1234</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 3:43am<b>abylenee_</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 4:11pm<b>prideslegion</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 12:17am<b>jgwyh</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 12:07pm<b>maxface</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 12:12am

swampbaby985's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

#18023767
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30559) - you deserved it (4570)

On 10/19/2011 at 3:36pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

#17852902
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25580) - you deserved it (7784)

On 09/28/2011 at 12:55am - intimacy - by confused (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

#17838831
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36881) - you deserved it (6951)

On 09/26/2011 at 11:35am - intimacy - by Oops (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

#17823429
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51915) - you deserved it (2605)

On 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

#17789217
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32506) - you deserved it (2883)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29408) - you deserved it (8234)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

#17706134
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15159) - you deserved it (48820)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

#17663031
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26946) - you deserved it (2368)

On 09/04/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by ohaifml - United States (Texas)

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

#17539435
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29644) - you deserved it (2720)

On 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

#17187115
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47029) - you deserved it (2773)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:40am - kids - by Harry - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

#17094831
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42213) - you deserved it (3535)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

#17039941
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45168) - you deserved it (9703)

On 07/09/2011 at 11:19am - love - by Beanzbeanz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

#17039941
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45168) - you deserved it (9703)

On 07/09/2011 at 11:19am - love - by Beanzbeanz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

#16794914
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46285) - you deserved it (7179)

On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36224) - you deserved it (7115)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: