Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

swampbaby985

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

swampbaby985

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2170
  • Number of comments : 70
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>samm12099</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:36pm<b>SHAMUS_the_WITTY</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 3:34pm<b>vlalam</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 1:12pm<b>Link5794</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 3:23pm<b>WorryNot</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 6:21pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 5:44pm<b>Nightskyra</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:06am<b>BMF96</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 3:17am<b>Wjanzen32</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:16pm<b>julaylay99</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 4:48pm<b>pt300</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 12:39am<b>oOisabellaOo</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 12:25am<b>abbybailey204</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 9:54pm<b>kantalita_claire</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 9:16pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 7:21pm<b>Annelymarie</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Mc2013</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 5:03pm<b>zachadams</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 4:31pm

Liked!<b>kantalita_claire</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 3:16am<b>braybrayden</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:31am

swampbaby985's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

#18350847
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7483) - you deserved it (58243)

On 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

#18304644
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45840) - you deserved it (2820)

On 11/21/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by bizzyizzy0121 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (7950)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35877) - you deserved it (18851)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

#18224618
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39047) - you deserved it (7740)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

#18224618
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39047) - you deserved it (7740)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

#18023767
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30640) - you deserved it (4572)

On 10/19/2011 at 3:36pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

#17852902
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (7792)

On 09/28/2011 at 12:55am - intimacy - by confused (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

#17838831
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37221) - you deserved it (7009)

On 09/26/2011 at 11:35am - intimacy - by Oops (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

#17823429
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52774) - you deserved it (2659)

On 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

#17789217
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32596) - you deserved it (2886)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29514) - you deserved it (8249)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

#17706134
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15345) - you deserved it (49206)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

#17663031
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27038) - you deserved it (2371)

On 09/04/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by ohaifml - United States (Texas)

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

#17539435
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29748) - you deserved it (2723)

On 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: