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Offline (the 11/23/2015 at 9:27am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4375
  • Number of comments : 91
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>Mons</b> - 47 minutes ago<b>umerin</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 4:37am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 4:53pm<b>Stripes12345</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 2:09pm<b>amourmourant</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 2:04pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 12:50am<b>charmingdisaster</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 5:55am<b>whatarethisss</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 4:10am<b>masonbain93</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 6:19am<b>UselessReject23</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 3:29pm<b>sam00v</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 8:43pm<b>doggybonez66</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:22pm<b>Isabelsxo</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 11:17pm<b>mzhaze</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 11:16pm<b>The_Avatar</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 10:40pm<b>itwasntme14</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 5:40pm<b>llama_monicz</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 11:54pm<b>makeupgirl</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 9:44am

Fucked!<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 10:53pm<b>popper668</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 4:59am<b>AllyJo1231</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 8:38pm<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:54am<b>chaseafterwind82</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 11:18pm<b>ambert0322</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 1:08pm<b>Duckzy</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 5:28am<b>lukian</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 11:50pm<b>kantalita_claire</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 3:16am<b>braybrayden</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:31am

swampbaby985's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML


I agree, your life sucks (60390) - you deserved it (10256)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML


I agree, your life sucks (56816) - you deserved it (3947)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML


I agree, your life sucks (71592) - you deserved it (10625)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39419) - you deserved it (5322)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41861) - you deserved it (14148)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:48am - love - by kenabrookee - United States (California)

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37368) - you deserved it (3628)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:29am - work - by apparentlytoougly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33877) - you deserved it (6243)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42402) - you deserved it (6955)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:20am - misc - by theawesome129 - Canada

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML


I agree, your life sucks (61943) - you deserved it (11936)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML


I agree, your life sucks (37887) - you deserved it (7099)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23955) - you deserved it (2818)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49649) - you deserved it (7750)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52533) - you deserved it (11014)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25844) - you deserved it (2614)

On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States

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