swampbaby985

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swampbaby985

23Fucked!

swampbaby985swampbaby985
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5562
  • Number of comments : 103
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - 2 hours ago<b>toolazytotype99</b> - 14 hours ago<b>lovelylucifer</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 8:23pm<b>Emma1562</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 1:13am<b>Justkidding100</b> - the 07/18/2016 at 12:06pm<b>BexBaby86</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 6:41am<b>emmnguyenn</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 12:42am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 3:29am<b>slightlyadulty</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 12:26am<b>Blizz18</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 9:48pm<b>Magnoxidans</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 4:42pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 4:30pm<b>demix</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 5:56am<b>juliakte</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 11:12pm<b>Flameuz</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 11:40am<b>bbenedict</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 11:51am<b>Celion91</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 10:08pm<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 11:26pm

Fucked!<b>toolazytotype99</b> - 8 hours ago<b>Magnoxidans</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 7:35pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 10:30pm<b>Celion91</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 4:59pm<b>SOILEDIT</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 11:15am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 10:00pm<b>isnobodyhere</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 10:36pm<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 3:07am<b>Avi8r</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 4:16am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 4:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 3:43am<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 1:08am<b>Malteser95</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 11:26pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 10:53pm<b>popper668</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 4:59am<b>AllyJo1231</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 8:38pm<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:54am<b>chaseafterwind82</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 11:18pm

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

by MsAnonymous17 / 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

by anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

by Grand_Cookie / 04/16/2013 at 4:48am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

by kenabrookee / 04/03/2013 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Love

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

by theawesome129 / 03/24/2013 at 6:20am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

by shitty situation / 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health