Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

swampbaby985

Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member

swampbaby985

4Fucked!

swampbaby985swampbaby985
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3737
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 9:03pm<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 6:11pm<b>XxKimixUchihaxX</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 2:50am<b>keiNan</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 3:47pm<b>Illuminanomous</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:14am<b>watermelon1</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 10:46pm<b>Hauclir</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 12:50pm<b>Sludge3</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 7:12pm<b>Vertain</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 10:24am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 7:31am<b>menabella</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 12:36pm<b>twistedtwincity</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 6:27am<b>kaiboi702</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 5:45am<b>enphinitie</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 4:26am<b>vlalam</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 10:55pm<b>PaigeLeeAnn11</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 7:32pm<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 3:49pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 1:34pm

Fucked!<b>Duckzy</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 5:28am<b>lukian</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 11:50pm<b>kantalita_claire</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 3:16am<b>braybrayden</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:31am

swampbaby985's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

#20562040
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35801) - you deserved it (3487)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:29am - work - by apparentlytoougly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31488) - you deserved it (5912)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

#20557644
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39207) - you deserved it (6530)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:20am - misc - by theawesome129 - Canada

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

#20497837
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57810) - you deserved it (10938)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37163) - you deserved it (7010)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

#20483441
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23028) - you deserved it (2735)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

#20467584
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48558) - you deserved it (7619)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50840) - you deserved it (10624)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

#20199452
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23536) - you deserved it (2407)

On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19832) - you deserved it (5398)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20133) - you deserved it (1629)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27003) - you deserved it (1907)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28101) - you deserved it (3439)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29340) - you deserved it (2103)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27445) - you deserved it (27419)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: