About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.
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Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44967) - you deserved it (6983)
On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27447) - you deserved it (5370)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15579) - you deserved it (1483)
On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States
Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19795) - you deserved it (1193)
On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15340) - you deserved it (1296)
On 09/18/2012 at 7:22am - love - by thanksfamily (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23544) - you deserved it (1804)
On 08/03/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by SingleAgain (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7682) - you deserved it (26880)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36990) - you deserved it (3014)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28977) - you deserved it (1785)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30265) - you deserved it (8665)
On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9797) - you deserved it (38432)
On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7288) - you deserved it (38903)
On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26554) - you deserved it (42219)
On 01/30/2012 at 12:37am - love - by givingup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26554) - you deserved it (42219)
On 01/30/2012 at 12:37am - love - by givingup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40435) - you deserved it (6020)
On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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