About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.
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swampbaby985's favorite FMLs
by balls / 10/02/2015 at 1:49am / United States (California) / Health
by Nick Pat / 09/30/2015 at 9:13am / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML
by WTF / 09/11/2015 at 8:54pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML
by assault and imnotracistbuttery / 04/18/2015 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
by Clive81 / 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
by f.a.t. / 10/04/2013 at 4:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML
by BaMiTsAnYa / 09/15/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by countryblumpkin / 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…