About swagisforchumps : I'm confused. Oh wait, maybe I'm not. I constantly smell peanut butter And btw, I'm really sexy... Like a tree
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swagisforchumps's favorite FMLs
by Heather / 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML
by hurtinrealbad / 10/16/2012 at 1:25pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:37am / United States / Kids
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
by firstdategonebad / 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML
by BusinessTurtle / 10/06/2012 at 3:49am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML
by Queso Dog / 10/02/2012 at 10:42am / Japan / Love
by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by single lady / 08/15/2011 at 10:45am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML
by Lonely / 07/24/2011 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
by wow / 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
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- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…