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supervacaneous's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 1:33pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML
by Squinty6 / 03/02/2011 at 10:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
by Anonymous / 03/02/2011 at 6:20am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was mugged while on my way to the book store. I'd saved up for months to make a mega-purchase of study materials for my major, only for it to be taken away in a few seconds by some lowlife thug. FML
by chilegrande / 03/01/2011 at 3:59pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML
by assumed / 03/01/2011 at 11:47am / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML
by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Shamu / 02/27/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
by justmyluck? / 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML
by peeved / 02/17/2011 at 8:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by oheyimsarahh / 02/16/2011 at 10:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML
by Tori / 02/16/2011 at 2:40am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML
by K / 02/15/2011 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Ihavealisp / 02/15/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her… Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom… Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal…