About superpoptart : Giraffe.
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Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30795) - you deserved it (1878)
On 09/30/2009 at 5:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22577) - you deserved it (15072)
On 09/25/2009 at 11:47pm - health - by snottyface (woman) - United States
Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30671) - you deserved it (1398)
On 09/18/2009 at 9:33am - misc - by cl512 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29684) - you deserved it (3008)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51048) - you deserved it (11677)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59555) - you deserved it (12169)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28647) - you deserved it (14795)
On 07/24/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29353) - you deserved it (19187)
On 07/20/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22343) - you deserved it (47309)
On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6218) - you deserved it (87346)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31595) - you deserved it (2755)
On 06/16/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by yourmom (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML
I agree, your life sucks (56408) - you deserved it (5094)
On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (320425) - you deserved it (66530)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31076) - you deserved it (65752)
On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (47875) - you deserved it (14798)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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