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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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stray94

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stray94
  • Town/Country : us
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 448
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

#5187639 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (40415) - you deserved it (2034)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

#5184677 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (28295) - you deserved it (2473)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:26am - love - by moresexperience (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

#5181062 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (33146) - you deserved it (1655)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by peter (man) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (44905) - you deserved it (1955)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

#5102610 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (6144) - you deserved it (18082)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

#4996993 (160)

I agree, your life sucks (34547) - you deserved it (4306)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:12am - work - by hoboman (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609 (68)

I agree, your life sucks (28828) - you deserved it (5181)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

#4346693 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (38687) - you deserved it (5772)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (48572) - you deserved it (1874)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

#4310988 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (29984) - you deserved it (4287)

On 08/05/2009 at 3:36pm - work - by TMI (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided that I was going to quit my job. I wrote my letter of resignation and sent it to my boss. 3 minutes later, I get an email announcing that the company will be closing their doors and for making this announcement on such short notice, all employees get a 6 year leave. FML

#4279807 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (42777) - you deserved it (6579)

On 08/04/2009 at 11:29am - work - by Jobless (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my enraged girlfriend told me she was fired from her nurse job for no reason. I called her employer to find out why. He told me that she was caught "helping out" a male patient, and that supposedly she has done the same with just about every good looking guy that comes into the hospital. FML

#4257734 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (48199) - you deserved it (2258)

On 08/03/2009 at 3:25pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

#4228072 (241)

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (23114)

On 08/02/2009 at 11:12am - intimacy - by kmb04 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

#4226426 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (13234) - you deserved it (38303)

On 08/02/2009 at 7:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (34854) - you deserved it (6641)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)