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stonewashed's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
by teflon_hammer / 05/25/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
by NewMom1115 / 12/17/2015 at 5:53pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
by MuteNToot / 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm / Miscellaneous
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML
by photoman / 07/14/2014 at 5:31am / Austria (Wien) / Geek
by wendtinmypants / 05/31/2014 at 11:05am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm / United Kingdom (Portsmouth) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
by Catcrap! / 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by bglenney / 08/15/2013 at 5:47am / United States (California) / Work
- Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn…