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stejohnsva

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stejohnsva

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  • Number of visits : 946
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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stejohnsva's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49821) - you deserved it (7887)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

#6983809
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25956) - you deserved it (4174)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by mikeyamazing - Sent from mobile version

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

#6676147
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42286) - you deserved it (2608)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

#6154190
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32842) - you deserved it (16647)

On 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by Cellismasher (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it's Saturday night, and also Halloween. Instead of going out, I'm sitting at home on MSN telling everyone who asks me what I'm doing tonight that I'm 'going out in 10 minutes to a party', then when 10 minutes pass, I block them. FML

#6080955
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25364) - you deserved it (22897)

On 10/31/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by pathetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

#4883657
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47214) - you deserved it (6290)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

#4651060
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45153) - you deserved it (4477)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:32am - misc - by Dude (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

#4495233
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8203) - you deserved it (60942)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by oldtexas (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52800) - you deserved it (3586)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40349) - you deserved it (26195)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

#3078532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38498) - you deserved it (10716)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by yuck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

#2232704
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54350) - you deserved it (42461)

On 05/24/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by ineedalifekay (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71106) - you deserved it (4618)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

#1611254
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24528) - you deserved it (42569)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by nolove (woman) - Canada

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22941) - you deserved it (82002)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)



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