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50 favourites
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Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83345) - you deserved it (23675)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83345) - you deserved it (23675)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84224) - you deserved it (7908)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137306) - you deserved it (20765)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106976) - you deserved it (5308)
On 03/20/2009 at 5:16pm - misc - by megan228 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112109) - you deserved it (9869)
On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
I agree, your life sucks (114283) - you deserved it (28263)
On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML
I agree, your life sucks (143597) - you deserved it (25704)
On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148886) - you deserved it (20741)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (209137) - you deserved it (35407)
On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States
Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63147) - you deserved it (8248)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (147559) - you deserved it (8931)
On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83408) - you deserved it (15544)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83095) - you deserved it (4514)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:20am - intimacy - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178241) - you deserved it (61508)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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