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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61534) - you deserved it (4577)
On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28251) - you deserved it (53309)
On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38741) - you deserved it (18618)
On 06/14/2009 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by HatedbyBras (man) - Netherlands
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70750) - you deserved it (14824)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (87657) - you deserved it (7299)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44696) - you deserved it (3384)
On 05/13/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by NoComparison (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53306) - you deserved it (3502)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43997) - you deserved it (6904)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by paprgrl421 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76984) - you deserved it (3457)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64514) - you deserved it (4266)
On 05/12/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by Karmas3itch - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50487) - you deserved it (2039)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19138) - you deserved it (57801)
On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20124) - you deserved it (87836)
On 04/18/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by Masterbater (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was writing an exam when the student sitting behind me finished and left, kicking his water bottle under my chair. I paid no mind to it. Later, I receive a call from the school that I've been suspended. Apparently that water bottle had cheat notes written all on the inside of the label. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61295) - you deserved it (1770)
On 04/15/2009 at 3:50am - misc - by InMeteor (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (125285) - you deserved it (7187)
On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
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