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splitsides's FML badges
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splitsides's favorite FMLs
by Jesus / 09/26/2011 at 10:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by FullOfNick / 09/10/2011 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML
by whyarewerelated / 09/08/2011 at 11:41am / United Kingdom (London) / Work
Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML
by Stuck / 09/08/2011 at 6:00am / United States / Health
Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML
by -- / 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML
by greatdriver...4 / 08/31/2011 at 7:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
by W1D0 / 08/20/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML
by froggylicious / 08/16/2011 at 2:18pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML
by Help / 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm / United States / Geek
by squishylog / 08/12/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Animals