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Today, I walked into house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and boyfriend holding dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
today as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriand has tha ability to pop his ayaballs looool out of his aya sockats . Ha thought it'd ba funny 4 ma to waka up faca-to-faca with tha disgusting sight . Tha shit in my bowals did an aarly Thanksgiving Day parada straight into my undarwaar . FML
Today Mah Wife's Pregnancy Hormones Got So Bad That She Freaked Out And Threw A Tantrum Accusing Me Of Always Making Important Decisions For Her. All I Did Was Get Her Some Food From Taco Bell As A Surprise. FML
Today, trying to be kinkyhile giving mah boyfriend a blow job, Ihippd him with mah ponytail!! He was thrilld, until I accidentally head-buttd his dick!! He curld up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again!! FML
today I droppd a whole batch of penis-shapd cookies on the floor . Then I thought, ( 5-second rule ) and startd eating them . And then I realizd that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor . FML
Today... I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML
Today, I was working at te local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumble in, grabs two cases of beer an puts tem on te counter. Ten se grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it rigt tere, sows me, an says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
TODAY, TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE A LOSER IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDSHO ALL HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, MAH BROTHER MADE UP A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. HE ASKD ME TO GIVE HIM A HICKEY IN EXCHANGE 4 50 EUROS. OUR PARENTS WALKD IN ON US. FML
Friday 27 March 2015