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Offline (the 12/22/2014 at 11:15am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 882
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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sparklemuffin's page activity

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sparklemuffin's favorite FMLs

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36841) - you deserved it (3860)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43912) - you deserved it (4007)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML


I agree, your life sucks (58699) - you deserved it (5498)

On 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm - intimacy - by hubby - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44111) - you deserved it (5176)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40203) - you deserved it (4570)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34212) - you deserved it (4143)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30386) - you deserved it (3244)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15181) - you deserved it (34293)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (10870) - you deserved it (28390)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24544) - you deserved it (13267)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23049) - you deserved it (9211)

On 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm - love - by WaxOnWaxOff - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML


I agree, your life sucks (34016) - you deserved it (2165)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15690) - you deserved it (55175) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

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