About songofthedead : How would you like to suck mah balls?
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songofthedead's favorite FMLs
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
by bobosgonnagetyou / 11/01/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
by Boar / 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by runner2731 / 06/08/2012 at 4:09am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
by why... / 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by holyshart / 06/05/2012 at 5:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
by nanall / 06/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
by mothtal / 06/03/2012 at 12:13pm / Bulgaria / Love
Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML
by Briscuit / 06/01/2012 at 5:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by A / 02/09/2012 at 1:37am / United States / Animals
by Kyle / 01/05/2012 at 1:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
by BigBangrocksthenight / 04/02/2010 at 8:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Animals
by Dumbass / 06/20/2009 at 2:01am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…
- Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I… Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just… Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML