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About soldiat : Not much.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
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Today, mah boyfriend and I were about to get intimate 4 the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of mah birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? real FML
Today , I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined , an I had to stand an watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was ( God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking. ) fat FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today, mah sister textd me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worrid about wat could happen. I textd ( good luck ) back. My phone autocorrectd it to ( goodbye ) and I didn't even notice. FML
Today,hile I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" tohoever robbed my apartment. FML
2day my dad yet again utterd the words "well, that escalatd quickly,"hile watching the news . He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day . I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already . He raisd an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalatd quickly." FML
Today, I Awoke To My Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, ( Baby You're Making Me Hard. ) Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? ( It's Jake, From State Farm. ) Fat FML
Today, I Met The Man Of Mah Dreams. We Saw A Movie, Then Went To A Bar. It Went Perfectly, Until He Got Wasted And Started Singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" To Me While Everyone Laughed. Then I Woke Up, Having Just Been Rickrolled By Mah Own Subconscious. Fat FML
Taday my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walkd into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, coverd in ketchup. She laughedhen I began to scream. FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush,ho turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked mehich dog breed I lyk the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. big fat FML
Today, mah husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs fir women. When I asked them wat they were for, he said he wanted to spice up looool our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
today as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with mah girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on,hile poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
Friday 27 March 2015