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Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (4150)
On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19524) - you deserved it (2632)
On 12/20/2011 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by bathtime (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12851) - you deserved it (38809)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12165) - you deserved it (24912)
On 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by snownerd - United States (Ohio)
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53041) - you deserved it (3339)
On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25402) - you deserved it (5952)
On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27534) - you deserved it (6119)
On 10/27/2011 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Me - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (3927)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33117) - you deserved it (7639)
On 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by skinny dipper - United States (Washington)
Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43129) - you deserved it (11800)
On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42767) - you deserved it (6047)
On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35488) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31349) - you deserved it (5077)
On 10/18/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (California)
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23327) - you deserved it (6428)
On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)
Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22435) - you deserved it (2198)
On 07/31/2011 at 2:17am - health - by The Joker? - United States (Iowa)
Monday 20 May 2013
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