smsdj

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Offline (the 10/19/2014 at 7:42pm)

smsdj

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2679
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About smsdj : I'm a girl that adores Nirvana and Depeche Mode. Pianist. I have 3 cats and one awesome dog. I'm not judgmental- I'm for LGBTQ rights c:

smsdj's page activity

Visits<b>Mfroz</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 5:40am<b>mathen</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 10:35am

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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smsdj's favorite FMLs

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

by datgurllllukno / 10/15/2014 at 2:26am / United States / Intimacy

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

by ForeverAlone / 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2014 at 2:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

by clumsylobster / 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2014 at 11:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

by badplacerightnow / 10/13/2014 at 10:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

by MissBeyoncé / 10/13/2014 at 4:13am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Animals

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

by SeriousJoker72 / 10/10/2014 at 9:17pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

by IncompatibleMetier / 10/09/2014 at 7:07pm / France / Health

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

by PickYourselfUp / 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Health