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Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32773) - you deserved it (6614)
On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30588) - you deserved it (1496)
On 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29461) - you deserved it (10750)
On 09/21/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by zzyx (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21170) - you deserved it (76702)
On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31129) - you deserved it (5782)
On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34667) - you deserved it (7335)
On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34910) - you deserved it (8949)
On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48521) - you deserved it (2398)
On 07/07/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by allwaysbuggedinheaven - United States (Michigan)
Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62674) - you deserved it (9116)
On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51449) - you deserved it (5765)
On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21424) - you deserved it (54867)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140785) - you deserved it (32146)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52973) - you deserved it (4272)
On 04/10/2009 at 5:07pm - kids - by boyfriendless (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276536) - you deserved it (23322)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went and got a spray on tan. I forgot to push the hair cap up. A few hours later, I was completely tan, except for the top half of my forehead was pasty white. It will last for five days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8144) - you deserved it (44997)
On 04/04/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by missblair - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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