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smartman136

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smartman136
  • Town/Country : hitlertown, margaritaville, drugtown, hookersburg, pimp city, and man-the-fuck-up burg, margaritaville, drugtown, hookersburg, pimp city, and man-the-fuck-up burg, death
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 882
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 35 posted

About smartman136 : Look around you. You see that flash in the corner of your eye. You remember the face you swore you saw when you were sure you were alone. That squeeking that cannot be anyone. That fear that builds inside you in the moment when you know the friend you said you would never betray realizes that you were lying all along. The cold which quiveres your spine? Thats me. You dare ask who i am? Im your fucking nightmare.

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smartman136's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28849) - you deserved it (3049)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

#15445630
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32167) - you deserved it (4399)

On 03/23/2011 at 7:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12634) - you deserved it (33320)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my sister lost a leg. Immediately after hearing the news, my boyfriend started cracking jokes about getting her a job at IHOP. FML

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

#14873123
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33673) - you deserved it (3025)

On 02/06/2011 at 9:36pm - misc - by LimpMcgee (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

#14003911
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28745) - you deserved it (3921)

On 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm - health - by fulloshit - United States (Washington)

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

#13968258
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24789) - you deserved it (5980)

On 11/24/2010 at 10:52pm - misc - by cartrouble (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

#13837705
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22840) - you deserved it (3550)

On 11/14/2010 at 4:42am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

#13475038
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31484) - you deserved it (2817)

On 10/16/2010 at 5:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

#13440405
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7254) - you deserved it (22407)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:08pm - misc - by holly10350 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

#13252849
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24746) - you deserved it (2685)

On 09/29/2010 at 7:04pm - money - by thankspops - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

#13180631
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (3223)

On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
628 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22049) - you deserved it (253800)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11558) - you deserved it (168294)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21926) - you deserved it (269939)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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