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smallbones

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smallbones's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
878 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60337) - you deserved it (631766)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

#473847
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125671) - you deserved it (12731)

On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

#315595
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132603) - you deserved it (10263)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52372) - you deserved it (98196)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32816) - you deserved it (444881)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32816) - you deserved it (444881)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

#1001
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50916) - you deserved it (7093)

On 01/12/2009 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Poopy - United States (California)

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

#723
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10766) - you deserved it (72846)

On 01/07/2009 at 3:16am - intimacy - by sexaddict - Sent from mobile version

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

#842
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41332) - you deserved it (3690)

On 01/03/2009 at 11:48am - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

#768
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33145) - you deserved it (2541)

On 12/31/2008 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

#767
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35973) - you deserved it (7636)

On 12/31/2008 at 10:45pm - kids - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

#552
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51860) - you deserved it (6306)

On 12/19/2008 at 11:05am - intimacy - by chicochico - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

#449
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22179) - you deserved it (3058)

On 12/04/2008 at 6:16am - misc - by DarkPhoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

#354
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25384) - you deserved it (3632)

On 11/21/2008 at 5:06am - love - by Mary - Sent from mobile version



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