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sludgegirl9319's favorite FMLs
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
by Hannah / 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Dumbass / 06/20/2009 at 2:01am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML
by andthatshowitgoes / 06/14/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML
by apparentlyugly / 04/26/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek
Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML
by TahRah / 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in… Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they… Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me…