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slowlybreakingme

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5074
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

#16466460
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32137) - you deserved it (14461)

On 06/02/2011 at 10:49am - intimacy - by satisfied88 -

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65317) - you deserved it (3608)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

#16448607
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37515) - you deserved it (5200)

On 06/01/2011 at 7:53am - misc - by iscreamforicecream (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

#16341966
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46418) - you deserved it (8925)

On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (42377)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73306) - you deserved it (3782)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59232) - you deserved it (10100)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)

Today, while trying to sneak out of my house to go to a party I met my mom trying to sneak back in. FML

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

#16271317
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33548) - you deserved it (4596)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:33pm - misc - by SophieGray - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

#16252216
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13018) - you deserved it (43594)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by esoog - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML

#16234467
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65070) - you deserved it (4468)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:57am - intimacy - by Jackedup (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

#16234308
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26264) - you deserved it (8481)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

#16221236
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13081) - you deserved it (63754)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

#16128268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33604) - you deserved it (14855)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

#16126147
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60930) - you deserved it (4746)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:17am - intimacy - by Chels (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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