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slowlybreakingme

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5310
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29954) - you deserved it (15533)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37506) - you deserved it (5605)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

#17279382
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26828) - you deserved it (4226)

On 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

#17266001
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36826) - you deserved it (2987)

On 07/26/2011 at 9:35am - misc - by ceetee - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

#17261824
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34223) - you deserved it (8305)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

#16687170
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32861) - you deserved it (9206)

On 06/15/2011 at 11:53pm - misc - by randomjulz - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

#16685518
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35264) - you deserved it (8937)

On 06/15/2011 at 10:42pm - misc - by missy - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

#16676929
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you deserved it (3281)

On 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm - health - by Braxam - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12662) - you deserved it (57939)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

#16639445
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48259) - you deserved it (5575)

On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

#16569461
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44621) - you deserved it (4604)

On 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

#16541898
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46788) - you deserved it (11969)

On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

#16524791
576 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97044) - you deserved it (10738)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by KillMeNow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

#16499579
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14240) - you deserved it (42271)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by Flarewolf (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44182) - you deserved it (3126)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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