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slowlybreakingme

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slowlybreakingme

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5045
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

#20154716
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27739) - you deserved it (2156)

On 11/08/2012 at 6:09am - kids - by Shauna (woman) - United States

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

#20150645
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22431) - you deserved it (2515)

On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (2856)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (6580)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26906) - you deserved it (3326)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25725) - you deserved it (9151)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26837) - you deserved it (1902)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27464) - you deserved it (4725)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59418) - you deserved it (3052)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

#20062873
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39945) - you deserved it (2171)

On 09/08/2012 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12562) - you deserved it (24007)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

#20020595
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25966) - you deserved it (1621)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:52pm - misc - by ugh (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28467) - you deserved it (4387)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31093) - you deserved it (8573)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)



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