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slowlybreakingme

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slowlybreakingme
  • Town/Country : San Diego, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 4178
  • Number of comments : 125
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

#20170222
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25172) - you deserved it (14221)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31274) - you deserved it (3170)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

#20165330
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19939) - you deserved it (3248)

On 11/16/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Gangnam (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43996) - you deserved it (5633)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17444) - you deserved it (24373)

On 11/14/2012 at 6:39am - misc - by hclagopus (man) - Norway

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

#20161561
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6349) - you deserved it (27193)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13405) - you deserved it (974)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17825) - you deserved it (2535)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

#20154716
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25884) - you deserved it (1995)

On 11/08/2012 at 6:09am - kids - by Shauna (woman) - United States

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

#20150645
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20156) - you deserved it (2267)

On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21533) - you deserved it (2073)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19501) - you deserved it (4649)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23371) - you deserved it (2949)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (8615)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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