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slowlybreakingme

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5112
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24558) - you deserved it (7250)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39144) - you deserved it (10340)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37323) - you deserved it (5287)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (2995)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45479) - you deserved it (5935) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

#20418714
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45747) - you deserved it (25163)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15133) - you deserved it (34989)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38856) - you deserved it (14068)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

#20405418
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30054) - you deserved it (8580)

On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

#20398877
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27903) - you deserved it (1815)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:44am - health - by mysidesaresplitting - United States (Michigan)

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25138) - you deserved it (5780)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

#20188746
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23133) - you deserved it (2347)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

#20187746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21540) - you deserved it (1872)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:05am - misc - by Sam - United States (Indiana)

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

#20182587
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6219) - you deserved it (42501)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm - health - by Widowmaker - United States (Nevada)



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