slowlybreakingme

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slowlybreakingme

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7832
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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slowlybreakingme's page activity

Visits<b>TheDarkLight</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 8:58pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 12:27pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 11:00am<b>joco4</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 2:14am<b>diane96</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 2:51pm<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 2:28pm<b>DrowningLessons</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 3:33pm<b>giggia</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 4:13pm<b>Wane8822</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 1:20pm<b>deeznutz62</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 6:16pm<b>jk_waks23</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 3:25am<b>dariusdeath</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 10:51pm<b>alexishbu</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 3:12pm<b>Robin612</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 11:31am<b>awishadahbau5</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:00pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 11:41pm<b>Starzak</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 6:30am<b>awerty</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 10:40pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 5:00pm<b>awerty</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 4:40am<b>Narcroc</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 12:59am

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

by ADanceWithDavos / 07/07/2014 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

by furball / 06/15/2014 at 4:01pm / Animals

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2014 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

by iworkatofficedepothomes / 05/15/2014 at 8:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug / 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

by Quackadoodledoo / 04/23/2014 at 10:21pm / United Kingdom (Barnet) / Transportation

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

by shampoomice / 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

by DreamStatic / 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

by theunluckylifeofme / 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

by Sean / 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm / United States / Health

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

by Amber / 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy