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siyafa

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  • Number of visits : 708
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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siyafa's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31822) - you deserved it (3344)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30584) - you deserved it (2150)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30584) - you deserved it (2150)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22451) - you deserved it (1467)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20935) - you deserved it (5165)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

#20098049
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19220) - you deserved it (6735)

On 10/02/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by kira (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20124) - you deserved it (4245)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

#20079105
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27194) - you deserved it (2834)

On 09/19/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by LawStudent (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18217) - you deserved it (3876)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

#19913255
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21519) - you deserved it (3012)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

#19764297
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24160) - you deserved it (2585)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:54am - misc - by eddie818 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (4497)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

#19674357
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11880) - you deserved it (1426)

On 05/24/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by Notasinner (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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