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silversurealism

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silversurealism

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silversurealism's favorite FMLs

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37481) - you deserved it (5602)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

#16468049
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52797) - you deserved it (4781)

On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

#16468049
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52797) - you deserved it (4781)

On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

#16448858
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16450) - you deserved it (27808)

On 06/01/2011 at 8:35am - intimacy - by Username - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

#6968124
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38718) - you deserved it (4122)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (7004)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML

#4571897
102 comments

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68268) - you deserved it (4979)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

#2925389
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80781) - you deserved it (5545)

On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58345) - you deserved it (6932)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76888) - you deserved it (23426)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57402) - you deserved it (19974)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)



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